This is 42…this is…Me…
42… years
504…months
15330…days
367920…hours
22075200…minutes
1324512000…seconds
That is how long I’ve been on this blue marble… fuck… this is 42… one more rotation around the sun…
I for whatever reason feel it this go around… heavy, tired...older… up until now it was just another birthday… who cares.
But, this birthday for whatever reason has me contemplating time, more than I usually do.
Time is the one resource we never can get more of, I’ll never hold my lil girl's hand the way I did when she was 1,2,3,4,5,6…etc… those moments are in the past now… memories… slowly fading with time.
Life is an interesting experience, full of great highs and devastating lows. We have people that come and go in our lives constantly, we hold their memories of those times, but when we see them, they are not the same people that we knew back when… at their core they are still “them” but, life and its experiences has changed them/us… we grow/move beyond what we were to each other in those specific time frames… others will grow with you, some will grow apart. Some you will meet and lose along the way… some will become fast friends that will last the remainder… but, all will be “friends” in those moments of time. We can revisit, and even rekindle those friendships, but, not always… and that is okay, we keep moving forward along our timeline…meeting and departing, reconnecting, aligning, and swirling around other's timelines as we go…
these experiences age us… give us wisdom… change us…
People…people are complicated… one person's best friend is another's nemesis. Doesn’t mean they are bad necessarily (some people are) but, most likely they think they are doing the right thing… However, their methods just don’t jive with how you/we see the world, and probably vice-versa for them.
Understanding and empathy are hard, and so is recognizing one's own biases… I can tell you for me… I have very strong biases and morals that I’ve come to have over my years due to various experiences, and while not for everyone, my morals are very meaningful to me, which has caused rifts between me and others, especially over my right is right morals.
I am not always right, to be clear, and I’m quite frankly wrong a lot… as are a lot of people… it is a hard thing to accept sometimes…
… but, we should be very careful about letting those biases and morals turn to “hate” the foulest of four-letter words.
Do I “hate” some people or at least think I do… do I properly “hate” them or am I just strongly opposed to their beliefs as not aligning with mine… “hate” is a very strong word and emotion… the more I think on it the less I actually think I “hate” anyone. Maybe dislike, have no respect, can’t abide, etc… but, “hate” that is reserved for the foulest of people. Heavy topic…
Some people will just never get along… like dogs, some butts just smell bad to us … ha…
That doesn’t mean I shy away from conflict, we should meet it head-on and do our best to approach it with empathy and awareness of our own biases to better de-escalate, come to terms, and make peace as quickly as possible… but man is that a hard/terrifying thing to do … putting yourself out there is difficult and scary, and to do so with empathy and awareness of self takes wisdom and experience that frankly not many are capable of all the time… me included.
We should still try though, and keep trying to be empathetic and aware of ourselves.
I think we all need to find our tribe, those we’ve met along the way who inspire us, question us, make us strive to be better… above all else accept us for our crazy, help us heal when we are down, guide us when we are lost, hug us when we are hurt, celebrate each other when we succeed. Our tribe isn’t always family, but those we choose to be family, friends, loved ones, and acquaintances can all fall into the tribe we choose.
Anyway… just me rambling and thinking about things… especially time… life is not guaranteed … time has a way of sneaking up on the best of us… sometimes it is good to think about the end, so we can better appreciate the now.
Tempus Edax Rerum…
(Time, devourer of all things)
